Pairing: Artemis/Wally, background Connor/Megan
Fic Title: The Scientific Method
Rating/Warning(s): general audience
Genre: humor, romance
Why This Must Be Read: Literally so hilarious that I had to stop myself from laughing obnoxiously loud in public while reading it. Wally decides to woo Artemis. It goes about as well as you'd expect. Fantastic voices and funny as hell.
Superboy was in the gym when Wally found him, stumbling in and grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.
“Help me,” he moaned, loosening his grip and slowly, lamentably descending onto the floor on all fours.
Superboy turned his attention away from the enforced punching bag he’d been attacking and raised an eyebrow at the prostrating speedster, raising an eyebrow and wiping his forehead with the crook of his elbow.
“What?” he grunted, frowning skeptically.
Wally raised his head pitifully.
“Look, Supey,” he said sadly, clambering to his feet with his shoulders slumped. “You’re the only dude I can turn to in this dump who knows a thing about the female species. And I’ve got a problem. A female problem. Well, no, I mean, the problem is a female, like, the noun, not the adjective, and—”
“What are you talking about,” Superboy asked, deadpan.
Wally swallowed, attempting to gather his thoughts (which were behaving similarly to jumping beans, clattering against the corners of his skull). Finally, he inhaled deeply before speaking – rapidly.
“So there’s this lady that I know and you know me I normally have like zero trouble with the ladies but she’s driving me insane because my ice cream melted and it’s horrible and you and M’gann have that thing at least I think you have a thing I dunno based on the fact that I saw you guys making out I’m guessing you have a thing but you seem super-informed on this crazy stuff because of said thing and just oh god help me help me I don’t know what to dooooo,” he wailed, falling down onto the floor again.
Superboy stared down at him in consternation, his eyebrows high and his mouth tilted in bewilderment. Wally was all but weeping on the hardwood floor, his head hanging miserably. After a moment of silence, and after waiting for Wally to stand up again with no success, he cleared his throat and cautiously nudged the speedster’s elbow with his toe.
“Leave me to mourn alone,” Wally murmured sorrowfully.
Superboy’s eyes went on a cynical spiral